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Return of the O: Wallbanger Review

Title: Wallbanger
Author: Alice Clayton
The first night after Caroline moves into her fantastic new San Francisco apartment, she realizes she's gaining an intimate knowledge of her new neighbor's nocturnal adventures. Thanks to paper-thin walls and the guy's athletic prowess, she can hear not just his bed banging against the wall but the ecstatic response of what seems (as loud night after loud night goes by) like an endless parade of women. And since Caroline is currently on a self-imposed dating hiatus, and her neighbor is clearly lethally attractive to women, she finds her fantasies keep her awake even longer than the noise. So when the wallbanging threatens to literally bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby-doll nightie, confronts Simon Parker, her heard-but-never-seen neighbor. The tension between them is as thick as the walls are thin, and the results just as mixed. Suddenly, Caroline is finding she may have discovered a whole new definition of neighborly...

“The girl next door was meowing. What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen?” - Caroline

      Before I even touch the amazing-ness that is Wallbanger, let's address the massive elephant in the room. It's true. Wallbanger's not quite a YA novel but, we're experimenting with new genres. And Wallbanger? It's an entirely unique genre, all on its own. Wallbanger incorporates the character innocence of a YA novel, the character discovery of a New Adult novel, and the giggle-worthy sex of a Adult romance novel. If you plan on reading Wallbanger, expect a novel that equal parts hilarious, adorable, and hot. Please don't ask me how Alice Clayton accomplishes it. Wizardry maybe?

                I could drone on and on about the quality of the writing and the immense layering of Clayton's characters. You might even enjoy reading all that I have to say about this masterpiece. However, I think I might just let the novel do all the talking. More like, let Simon, Wallbanger, and Caroline, also known as Pink Nightie Girl, do the talking. So, here is ten reasons why you should read Wallbanger. 

Quote 1:

“And Caroline? Speaking fo thin walls?" he said, as he opened his door and looked back at me. He leaned in his own doorway, thumping his fist on the wall.

"Yes?" I asked a little too dreamily for my own good.

His smirk reappeared and he said, "Sweet dreams".

He thumped the wall one more time, winked, and went inside. Huh. 

Sweet dreams and thin walls.  

Sweet dreams and thin walls...Mother of pearl. 

He'd heard me...” 

Quote 2:
“I wouldn’t say I know him, but I’m familiar with his work.” 

Quote 3:
“Meow! Oh, God. Me -Yow!”
The girl next door was meowing. 
What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen?
Clive, at this point, went utterly bonkers and launched himself at the wall. 
He was literally climbing it, trying to get where the noise was coming from, and adding his own meows to the chorus.
“Oooh yes, just like that, Simon…Mmmm….Meow, meow, Meow!”
Sweet Lord, there were out-of-control pussies on both sides of this wall tonight.” 

Quote 4:
“Simon does commando. God bless America.” 

Quote 5:
“Hi, pot. It’s me, kettle,” Sophia snapped back.
“Hi kettle, you have about thirty seconds before this pot kicks your ass.” 

Quote 6:
“Have you seen this guy yet?"
"Nope. My peephole is getting a workout, though."
"Glad to hear at least one hole is getting some action around here.” 

Quote 7:
“No way, buddy. I'm not machuuing your pichu now. Huh-uh” 

Quote 8:
“Was I seriously awake at, let’s see, one sixteen a.m. and attempting to discern the national origin of the woman getting plowed next door?” 

Quote 9:
“Prepare yourself, I’m taking bread out of the oven." 
"Don’t tease me, woman… zucchini?" 
"Cranberry orange. Mmmm…"
"No woman has ever done breakfast bread foreplay the way you do.” 

Quote 10:
“You gonna bang my walls, Simon?” I laughed.
“You have no idea,” he promised.” 

        Did you enjoy those? I certainly had a good time picking them out. Before I turn you lose to read your heart's desire, a few important things. Don't let the hilarity fool you. Wallbanger is beautifully layered to provide you with the best reading experience. Even the most minor characters, such as Wallbanger's Harem of women, are well-rounded girls with back stories. You'll also find the writing form to be entertaining. There's mostly first person but also, text message logs, inside thoughts of minor characters, and even a hearty little chapter by Caroline's cat, Clive. 
       The song to me that represents this novel is Live It Up by, Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull. It's fun, has a slight Spanish flare (which you'll understand when you read the book), and portrays the flirty, friendly nature between Wallbanger and Pink Nightie Girl. 
     This novel obviously deserves nothing less than our five stars, Matt Bomer. First, for being so hilarious, I had to put my Nook down to compose myself. Second, for playing my heart strings in the process. Lastly, for pulling me from my non-reading slump. Hat's off to you, Alice Clayton. 

See you guys for the next review! Now that my slum is officially over!

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